It’s just a cold, why are you making so much fuss? 

I think this every time anyone in my family is ill. And then I’m ill, and I remember this is a neurotypical view of the world.

When you’re ruled by sensory difficulties, executive dysfunction, rejection sensitivity dysphoria (RSD), it’s never just a cold.

Your body stops bodying properly. It feels wrong. There’s new pain to process and you’re hyper aware of it. You can’t control it or make it stop. You’re aware of the discomfort of dry lips, weird papery skin, pressure of blocked sinuses, achy fidgety limbs, torture headaches, hot then cold then hot (which actually you’re used to because your temperature regulation wasn’t all that great to start with). Your brain loops on a single lyric or you have lurid dreams until you don’t know if you’re more miserable awake or asleep. You’re maybe thirsty but your body cues have never been obvious and then you chug a litre in one go and feel sick but too tired to pee.

But it’s just a cold. And why are you always ill, you had a cold just last month?

You’re more prone to colds because ARFID means your diet is poor and vitamins only do so much. And you forgot to drink any water yesterday, and caffeine helps you control your ADHD.

Anxiety makes it harder to leave the house and get fresh air, and you’re on the edge of burnout so often that exercise can use the last bit of resilience and actually let the germs take over.

I’ve lost count of the times a new determination to exercise more has ended with a temperature and days in bed.

It’s just a cold, why are you so grumpy, get over it.

You’re all out of spoons and sensitive to your triggers. That’s noise for me, so things like husband snoring or dogs licking become physically painful until I have my fingers in my ears and I’m screaming at the dogs for grooming themselves (not proud of that). So I try to control the noise, but I can’t, so that increases my anxiety until I’m almost hysterical. Which funnily enough doesn’t do much for the headache.

Guilt is rife because if I’m finally taking to my bed it’s because I have nothing. But chances are I’m not the only one ill, so everything falls apart and certainly no one has spoons to check I have water or am taking my meds. Which makes me sad. Then guilty. Then mum mode kicks in and I have to go take care of them, which adds another day to me shifting the darn cold.

For my son, on top of the sensory horror is the loss of routine. His day is controlled by alarms, when to shower, eat, work out etc. A day of ill disrupts all of that. 

My daughter’s is food. Eating is hard, drinking water harder. Feeling poorly makes it harder to do both, so hangry turns up followed by guilt and self blame.

It’s just a cold, you’ll feel better tomorrow, quit moaning.

When you live in a world of now and not-now, it’s hard to think past the headache and inability to breathe and imagine a time you ever didn’t feel this way. It becomes easy to catastrophise, to want to end the misery. Your brain, part of it, tells you to get a grip, but your whole nervous system is fighting you telling you it’s too much to deal with right now.

Then you’re missing commitments, school, work, life, so the RSD pops up and tells you you’re letting everyone down and they all hate you and you’re a pathetic human being because everyone says it’s just a cold. You should just get up and get on. So you do, and the cold lingers, and comes back, and so it all begins again.

Are you ill again? I never get colds, what’s wrong with you?

But it’s just a cold. Right?