Daughter Power

The picture shows a terraced flowerbed freshly planted with tulips and hyacinths.

Allora, il mio marito è italiano (ma è cresciuto a Luton).

Purtroppo, io non capisco l’italiano. Studio, ma da solo è noioso. Ma ora la mia figlia bisognio di studiare l’italiano! E quando mia figlia vuole fare qualcosa, noi la facciamo!

Translation

So, my husband is Italian (but grew up in Luton).

Unfortunately, I don’t understand Italian. I study, but it’s boring alone. But now my daughter needs to study Italian. And when my daughter wants to do something, we do it!

Last week, my daughter decided she needed her own bit of garden.

Now, here in the UK it’s been raining for a hundred years. The ground is sodden. Outside is damp and mossy and miserable and I’d prefer to pretend it doesn’t exist until June.

But I bought her some plants and I showed her the tools. And off she went. She needed help. I was grumpy and grudging and we fell out, because all of our RSD is turned up to ten. But she persisted.

And it’s beautiful.

And it made me do a little bit more weeding and tidying, and it was even nice. Until the skies opened again.

Yesterday she decided to paint the porch. I was reluctant, although I tried to be supportive. It felt like a big job and I’m poorly. We fell out. And then we bought paint, and she painted it with a bit of help. It looks great.

The same happened with the bathroom last year. She cleaned the tiles and suddenly we decided maybe we could just repaint it rather than redo the whole thing. And so I spent two weeks painting it and we re-did the floor and it’s great.

Spot the theme? She is so determined, it’s very hard to say no.

One of the common ADHD screening questions is ‘do you feel driven like by a motor’. Er, yes. And her energy pulls us along with her.

Which is fortunate, because my husband and I are overwhelmed by the immensity of renovating this neglected house and garden. So we do nothing. But we’ll do anything for our kids.

And it’s not just house stuff. I’m doing regular skin care and taking care of my hair. I do more craft. Cook more. I am caught up in her ADHD whirlwind, not always willingly, but the results are the same.

Life is more.

Which is how, despite many many attempts over the 20 years of being with someone half-Italian, I am consistently doing my Duolingo. 100 day streak. I wrote the opening paragraph with only a little bit (okay a lot!) of help from Google. I understand it, though.

The learning doesn’t come easily, my memory is awful, my pronunciation worse. I still can’t talk in Italian to my family (so embarrassing!) but it’s a start.

Grazie figlia 😊

My Creative Life

So, one of the things I haven’t wanted to talk about recently is my husband and his team being made redundant. It didn’t seem right to talk about it when it was so emotive and raw. Nine years is a long time to work somewhere to then find out you aren’t wanted. Aren’t needed (although we’ll choose to disagree on that). The problem with talking about it is that it’s the same place I worked, and hope to return to. And his team were friends, and they were all treated badly.

All the feels.

But in some ways, my husband leaving that job is a good thing. I’ve said for a long time that he needed a change. A break. A chance to rest and rethink. To do All. The. Things. It isn’t fair that I got to heal from burnout if he doesn’t as well.

It also means that I might be able to return to work sooner. Maybe to the same place if they’ll have me. If I’ll have them. But it feels like a betrayal to consider going back, even though it’s a big company and, stressful and spoon-depleting as it was, I appreciated being in a neurodivergent-friendly team.

But it makes me feel selfish to leave husband and daughter and hustle back to what I want to do, so that’s a not-to-talk-about-for-now.

Part of my stay-employable strategy, though, while I support my daughter, has been to improve my adobe skills and build a portfolio page. I’m doing a video-editing course with the OU, and playing with animation in Photoshop and Premiere. Not the best software for it, but it’s what I know.

What I didn’t expect was how healing it would be to review the things I’ve done, the lives I’ve lived and places I’ve been. To remember I’m more than a mum. I heartily recommend it, if you’re in a rut or need a confidence boost. In the end it was more than practice or a portfolio piece. It was an affirmation. With an irritatingly catchy bit of music 😂

So, here it is: my creative life:

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So, I’m overdue a blog post.

I hadn’t realised how hard it was going to be, returning to regular writing now that the children are older. Now I am older.

Life at the moment is all about the difficult stuff. My weeks are not filled with visits to the farm, or getting the paddling pool out on a sunny day. School isn’t about World Book Day or cute concerts, once you have teens. Especially SEND teens.

And while there is a LOT to say about our education system, being a SEND teen, negotiating life and friendships in an interconnected world, they are not my tales to tell. I am sure my children will tell their stories in their own words one day.

It will blow you away.

So, I wait. I support, where I can. I feel the big emotions and lock them away. I have long conversations in my mind at 2am about all the things unsaid.

And, because I am me, I craft. And try to stay optimistic. Keep my sense of humour, even if no one else seems to get it. Enjoy nature. Soak in the spring sunshine. Breathe.

I’ll find a new story that I can share. Patience please.

Writermummy is buffering.